literature

Legacy of Lies (Prologue)

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CharaLuvaChocolate's avatar
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Literature Text

Prologue

Silvers don’t mingle with Reds. Ever. They just don't get along. Reds tell stories of Silvers, making them seem like monsters.

Silvers make Reds seem like rodents. Idiotic creatures that are a waste of space.

This story features a special Red, and his legacy of lies.

How ironic.
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Comments18
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VKA3's avatar
Hi, I am Vern from Project Comment :iconprojectcomment: I am critiquing your work for More Exposure #27  More Exposure #27ProjectComment is a Group that provides Guaranteed & Constructive comments for the DeviantArt community, but we aim to feature under-appreciated artwork too!
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Here is your critique.

Overview - There are two races and they are called Reds and Silvers. Both races view the other as sub-"human". They do not view each other as different races but as something to be reviled. The prologue says that the two races just don't get along.  The story will concern an unsavory person of the Red race. I chose to critique this work because I don't get to critique written works that much and I consider myself primarily a writer.  So it is a great honor to critique one of my own.

Prologue - The prologue is very short less than a paragraph and there are important things that you left out: Are Reds and Silvers different sub-races of the same race or are they vastly different like Red Martians and Green Martians in the Barsoom series of Edgar Rice Burroughs?  If they are radically different species it is more understandable that they hate each other.  Also, Is this a fantasy story, science fiction, Horror, or some other genre? What planet, plane, or dimension are they on? You should have answered those questions. Still, it is a great start.

Conclusion - You clearly have talent and I wish you a long and successful career. It was a pleasure critiquing you. Have a great day.